in case of food flare up, unplug unit

We're back to typical gloomy, totally-devoid-of-sun-weather and I'm back to my usual mopey, totally-devoid-of-productivity habits.

Lucky for you, I don't consider this blog actual productivity.

Today's recommendation is NOT BUYING THE BLACK & DECKER TOAST-R-OVEN.

This is a moderately expensive toaster oven from what you may consider a respected brand.

It is also guaranteed to kill you in a fire.*

At least, that's what almost just happened to me. I put my vegetarian pop tart in and put it on light toast, and jumped in the shower. I realize that you are supposed to hover, concernedly, near the toaster oven. That's not how I roll. I double-checked to make sure it was on toast.

I got out of the shower very quickly when i smelled smoke.

The toaster oven is charred and the pop tart is worse. Smoke was everywhere. I had to close the cat in the bathroom and open all the doors and turn on all the fans.

The problem was, the toaster didn't turn off when it was finished toasting. This is really stupid, considering I've only had it a few months and don't really use it that often. I looked up the warranty information (none that I could find) in the instruction manual and then...

It was then that I remembered I'd had terrible experiences with Black & Decker before. In 2007 I got a small coffeemaker, the kind that fills up a coffee tumbler. It was great for a week & then suddenly stopped working. After a bunch of frustrating phone calls, the powers that be at B&D decided that if i shipped it at expense to them they'd send a new one.

I did so, and thus began the great Warranty Headache of 2007.

2 weeks later a package arrived. It was not the same coffeemaker; it was a crappier model that retailed for half the price of the other one. I called them to point this out and they said that if I shipped this back at expense they'd send me what I'd originally ordered.

It was finals, I was applying to PhD programs at the time, I was about to go out of the country - this made me livid. I needed coffee and I had no time for this crap. Finally they said I could keep that one & they'd send the original one.

It arrived while I was in Germany, and nobody signed for it, so it got sent back by UPS.

Thanks, Black & Decker.

I guess the real question is why I ever bought the toaster oven; the answer is probably "It was the cheapest one in target."

Well, never again.

Dear Black & Decker:

You now owe me a toaster oven AND a coffee maker.

So let's revise my Recommendation.

Today's recommendation is don't ever buy anything from Black & Decker unless you want to die a fiery, non-caffeinated death.

*n.b.: HYPERBOLE. I did not actually die in a fire today. The real danger is smoke damage and wasting $50 on a piece of stupid crap.